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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?